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Democratic Super Delegates to Meet in Garezers

Nomination to be decided on volleyball court: best of five match, unless Sen. Clinton is behind

Cikaga.com Exclusive
April 1, 2008

In a stunning and extraordinary development Democratic Party Super Delegates will gather at the Latvian Center Garezers in western Michigan on July 1, 2008 to decide on their party’s nominee. Both Sen. Obama (D-IL) and Sen. Clinton (D- NY) have approved this highly unusual conclusion to their respective fights for the Democratic presidential nomination.

“I am very confident that Team Clinton will win”, said the Senator from New York. She pointed out that James Carville will be the Head Coach. Team Obama will be coached by the candidate himself and captained by Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico. Carville, known for his occasional outbursts said: “I don’t care if we win or lose, I just want someone to ‘six-pack’ that Judas”, which was taken by many observers as a reference to Gov. Richardson, who served in two high profile positions in the cabinet of Pres. Bill Clinton and recently announced his support for Obama.

Shortly after the agreement to decide the presidential nominee of the oldest political party in the world, which was founded by Thomas Jefferson on a volleyball court, was reached, it almost unraveled. Word of the basketball court in ziemelmezs (North Woods) reached Obama, who thought basketball would be better. “If Hillary can keep changing the rules in the middle of the game, than I can change the game in the middle of the game”, said the Senator from Illinois. Former Vice President Al Gore, who brokered this unprecedented arrangement and will referee, prevailed on Sen. Obama to stick to the original deal of a volleyball match. “Volleyball ref’s just stand there and basketball ref’s have to run up and down the court”, said the Nobel Prize winner.

Opening ceremonies will include an invocation. The administration of Garezers nixed Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright, Jr., after audio tapes were circulated, in which the clergyman made disparaging remarks about Latvian cuisine. In one particularly painful comment Rev. Wright ridiculed the national dish of galerts (ham hock’s suspended in a gelatin solution, best served with vinegar). The prevailing view in the American Latvian community is that Rev. Wright “just doesn’t get it”.

Sen. Clinton had said that she would use the opportunity of being in Garezers to campaign in latviesu ciems (Latvian retiree sub-division near the center) for a redo of the Michigan Democratic primary. This plan was cancelled after it was determined that there aren’t any Democrats in the sub-division. “The only way I would vote Democratic is if Ron Paul was on the ballot”, said one long-time resident.